i am contradiction
tight chest,
but loose thoughts
scared to connect,
but constantly talking.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! you whine and complain too much. do you want attention or not? are you happy or sad? what are you afraid of? of giving too much away? not enough? find the balance.
write, but bottle it anyway
speak, but continually dooubt
try and consistently fail
inconvenience everyone, think of others
i want to retreat to a time when these were null and void. a place in history that was finally. trying to be healthy, but here is safe. i know what to expect in this place. but i am running out of time. and i don’t know how much longer i can ignore this. letter to the internet. i’m not in trouble. i just want to tell someone that i’m scared that i am losing my mind and my faith and not have them worry about me. the anxiety is bad tonight, but on good days i feel like i’m fabricating the entire thing. and all i really want to do is cry.
i can tell that you’re interested. but i am broken and unsure of myself and i can’t deal with that right now. i can’t add that emotionally taxing task to my list. i need something different. i want something DIFFERENT. and it’s not you…so please don’t go there, because i’m not too sure i’ll say no and i need too… i need to be single a while longer. already four years, but then i was fine and now i’m a mess and i want to make good life decisions, but i don’t think i will if you become a part of the equation, so please… don’t. i don’t even know. i’ve only just met you…i’m incredibly tired…
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